So life has been kinda hectic lately between work and trying to get my new(actually used) car free of the bugs it came with. its definitely been a frustrating journey. First within eleven hours of getting the car the alternator went suck and it took a week to find a garage that was open (our normal mechanic took the week after Christmas off) and than when I got it back I was told that I really need new tires for it which I'm definitely getting because I've been so nervous about driving in the snow considering what happened. I made the appointment for Monday and I'm just getting the first two done with my hours being cut at work because of the consumer slow down. The other problem that I found out about when I went to have my moms friend's shop reset me radio is that my catalytic converter is bad. So fun (note sarcasm) but fortunately its covered under Honda up to 80,000 miles/8 years which this car hasn't quiet reached yet so that is getting fixed on Tuesday for free. Now to go back to my job another major stress point right now. I consider myself a hard worker and always try to do the job to the best of my ability but for the lazy bitches on the second shift that isn't good enough. What I don't think my boss gets is that yes there are things that need to get done that are normally manageable on days that aren't super busy. And regardless of how busy it is I'm normally aka 99% of the time moving around the store getting things done in between customers so I do what I can. But on Monday when I came in my boss stated that one of the girls on the night shift said the coffee island wasn't done and the ciggs weren't stocked. I did what i could with the fairy constant stream of customers we had. She gave me a list both Monday and Tuesday of things she wanted me to accomplish, which might I say are things I already do and know need to be done. What it seems that my boss and those on afternoon don't realize is that I can only get things done when I don't have customers and depending on the amount and if there is a constant stream of them affects how much of the list I always work on gets done and how complete things are done. It isn't as busy on second shift so more can get done and what especially it doesn't seem my boss understands is that I am expected to get this huge list done by myself where the deli has three people working to get things done which means everyone gets help. So not fair. I took definite personal offense because I know whats need to be done (aka i don't need a list to tell me what to do) and that I do my best every single day. So fuck off is what I have to say. This week I definitely realized that my job has been affecting me emotionally and that's why I have been so depressed and upset lately. But what are ya gonna do. This week with my hours slashed I'm making it a personal goal to look at jobs for an hour a day and try to turn in at least two applications/resume a day. In the good parts of my life my boyfriend has been wonderfully patient with me which I appreciate immensely. I know I'm definitely not an easy person to deal with. I love him so much and now that I figured out what has been making my emotions go haywire I'm definitely super happy with how things have turned out. <3

Blah so I guess I've been kinda busy lately. Between work and seeing the boyfriend. It seems though that every time I get off of work I'm so tired I don't feel like doing anything. After getting a cold on christmas eve that is definitely the case. I hate colds especially when I have to work. Blah LOL. Any ways. Things in life have been decent just not exactly what I want. I've feeling lonely lately. Nothing the boyfriend is doing wrong just wish I could find a few friends that I can talk to every day even if its just through text. But i deal. I am fully happy with my relationship with the boyfriend. He is a total sweetheart. So christmas went somewhat well although the car I finally found to replace my mazda had the alternator go. Totally sucky and its still not fixed because of the holidays. Blah. It definitely sucks not having a car. Other than that christmas was great. i got to spend the day of with my hunnie and family. My parents got me some really awesome and unique gifts and also things that I asked for. My babes got me everything I asked for and I'm almost done reading both books he got me LOL. I just can't put them down. Ahh every time I think of him I just have to smile.

So i've been super busy lets see whats been going on. the boyfriend has been wondeful of course. He's been so supportive like the other night my rents of course told me how they don't like my boyfriend for reasons that of course i understand but are the same as ever boyfriend in the past. they never approve so i refuse to be sway. I love him. My boyfriend treats me well and thats all that matters. He was so supportive listening to me on the phone. So onto some not so good stuff. Last night after hitting some black ice my care played pinball with some gaurd rails. Which means it is most likely totalled. It totally sucks. I was soo scared. The boyfriend came and was there to hod me until my dad and the tow truck got there. The positive side is I have wanted a new care to the biggest thing i'm hoping for it that I have good enough credit to get a new one. I guess we'll see.

So its kinda been busy the past few days. I had off Wednesday and exercised a bit so I was definitely proud of myself even though I didn't do as much as I wanted. I then went over the the boyfriends house and we spent some quality cuddle time together and he unpacked a few things. I worked early on Thursday picking up an extra couple of hours and got to leave earlier than I was scheduled which was nice cause I got to go home and pack my things to spend the night and my baby's house. I was so exhausted by the time we got back to his place I just wanted to pass out after we ate dinner. We went up to his room and turned a movie to wait for his roomie to get home so the three of us could go to the mall. The boyfriend wanted to check out phones because he's thinking of getting on my plan cause boost sucks. The sucky part his with his moving and getting stuff for the new place as well as christmas coming up he doesn't have a lot of money which means even $100 with a $50 rebate would be a bit much. I'm thinking it might be a good idea to get him the phone as a Christmas gift. Ahh so we did that and than went grocery shoping. It just makes me think that if things continue going as well as they are in a year or a little less we could be moved in together and doing food shoping for ourselves. We went home and I helped unpack. He went to take a shower and I went up and crawled in bed I was sooo exhausted by that point. It was a good night but he had to get up super early for work which kinda sucked cause I spent the day by myself napping and reading. It was relaxing but by the time he got home after picking his daughter up I was sooo ready to get out of there. We went to his brother's daughter's birthday party she turned four yesterday. His brother, sister-in-law and their kids are so sweet. They are great to hang out with and I can definitely tell my man is a very close with is family which is great. So we did that for a little but than he had to drop his daughter back off because of the custody agreement. We went back to his place for a bit and then he drove me homw cause I had to get up for work early. Work was ok today about the only thing that sucked is the shift manager. I like working with him but I'm starting to see how lazy he is and disorganized compared to other managers that I've had on my shift. The normal procedure is to start breaks by nine so by the time 10:45 rolled around I asked about my break. We were really busy for a bit so I understood why I hadn't gotten one yet. So I get sent on my break and as I am making my bagel he goes I think its kinda rude that you were the last one scheduled to come in and first one taking your break. I was like whoa I hadn't realized that the others hadn't taken their breaks cause I was busy with customers. I never asked to be the first on break I just wanted one before lunch rush hit. I was extremely offended but what you gonna do. So anyways. I got home and spend some time with the family. My man has called a few times tonight just to let me know he's thinking of me and talking for a bit. I find that so sweet. He even has a friend over. So that is awesome. I love him so much. Well I think that about does it.

Blah so today was a pretty good day. I didn't work till this afternoon which kinda sucked but eh I got to sleep in and exercised too which was awesome. I've finally am able to have energy after work or before to be able to do it so I'm definitely going to try doing so on a more consistent basis. My goal is to be close or where I want to be around the beginning of the summer so I can get my belly button pierced and by a hot bikini. Hopefully as well I'll be able to go on vaca with my rents and possibly my love if my parents let him come. So we will definitely see. Work was sooo slow tonight. I really like the people I worked with cause they're not all uptight about constantly doing work the entire time. But once you ge tall the stuff that has to get don done and there aren't customers it just drags. I entertained myself with thinking about my baby. He was so sweet last night when I went to see him. He helped me cook dinner and stood behind me will I watched the stove wrapping me in his arms. It was sooo nice. We also cuddled and watched a movie after, which I fell asleep during cause I was tired. I just feel so safe in his arms and loved which is so nice to feel after not feeling it for so long. Like when he realized I was upset on Sunday after I texted him Monday about wishing he would have called, he's like I'll totally make it up to you when you come over tonight and he did. Just knowing that he wants to spend that time for me and going out to see friends or hanging with his friends at his house aren't as important as me is sooo nice. I love him and I'm so glad I found him. I couldn't as for a guy better than him. Nothings perfect but he gets pretty darn close. Love him <3 and I totally can't wait to see him tomorrow night.

So i've been so freakin busy the past week that I haven't had a chance tor write. Not to much going on but enough lets see where to start hmm. So my ex decided to give my ex friend my cell number which sucks completely you think he'd be a little more mature than that but whatever. Its a situation that I would have had to deal with eventually. She is acting just like he did this summer though so its very aggrivating. I know I owe her money. I'm just to upset and mad to talk to her. I left a message on her myspace outlining what I feel I owe her but she feels thats to "immature" I'm sorry but I don't want to talk to you and I don't have to so if you want your money your just going to have to check the message and send me your address. Oh well, life goes on and she can choose to be mature about it or not. The only thing that bothered me is that she threatened to embarass me in front of my family on thanksgiving definitely immauture. I mean seriously get your shit together don't blame it on me and realize that something like that is not grown up. Anyway on to better things. I'm getting a tattoo next monday I'm so excited its gonna look like this on my lower back.


so i absolutely can't wait. the boyfriend is going to try to be there but of his work schedule and things he might not be able to be there for the entire thing which is ok. Just that fact that he would be there for me is great. Things with him have been going awesome. We both finally got cleared by the doctors so its totally on. But its more than that he is so sweet to me all the time. He sends text messages during the day out of the blue about how he loves me and is thinking of me. And when we're together he does get a bit distracted sometimes. but I know he's thinking of me the entire time. He moves this weekend so I got to help with that which was nice. His new place is awesome. Another nice thing that happened is that he met the rents this weekend. It was kinda nerve racking on the way there cause I stayed over night at his new place Friday. But we got there and introduced. It was really nice. The parents talked to him and seemed to get along with him. My dad thinks he's a really nice guy and of course my mom is being her sceptically self bringing out the negatives but hopefully she will get over that. He got an official invitation for Christmas and the parents are ok with him bringing his daughter which is awesome. I really hope that my family likes this one and approves beccause I really feel like he might just be the one. To say it simply except for a few minor things, life is perfect.

Yay!!! I get to see him early.

Blah, its finally friday but not really the end of the week cause I work this weekend but oh well at least I have the day off. Yesterday went ok. I went to GNC and picked up some lean protein shake cause I definitely know that I feel better when I have more protein runnin through my system and its even better cause this kind is suppose to help support weight loss as well in conjunction with my diet that I've been following. So go me!!! Hopefully it will help. In other news I decided to get another tattoo I'm so excited. Its this black lined, sorta tribal tattoo and I'm going to put it on my hip. My boyfriend has a dude that does them professionally and on the side for friend for a discounted price which is awesome, so I know I wont have to pay ful price for them. :-). In other news things are good with the boyfriend. I'm going to meet him today at The walmart down the street from my house and we're going to talk to his family doctor about getting him the pills I took to clear my clymidia. So hopefully he wont have to do testing since I came up positive or wait the month for the symptoms to fully manifest. Sucky as that would be hopefullly it wont happen. He's awesome. Like the love I feel for him is so much different from what I've felt in the past, it feels so much better and to have that love returned in the same way for once is wonderful. <3

So today is going ok so far. I woke up around five and was sick so that really sucks. I absolutely hate throwing up. I think its because I've been pumping myself with to much caffiene lately to try and keep myself going. I really have to figure out what the problem is beccause although I like the affects of it I know its really bad for me. I think the problem might be not getting enough protein. I mean after all I am on my feet 40+ hours a week and I don't eat a lot if any meet nor drink milk/eat yogurt. So I'm thinking once my paycheck comes in tommorrow I'll hit up GNC or go with the cheaper option of walmart and see if that helps. If it doesn't than i will have to go to the doctor or something like that. Anyway on to the more positive stuff. Everything with the boyfriend is going wonderful. He is so sweet like when were not together he is still thinking about me and sends me text messages that are so sweet that just put this huge smile on my face. Like yesterday he sent me one saying that I'm his angel. I have never had a boyfriend be so wonderful like this. Yes I've gotten compliments and things like that and we text back and forth but none of them have been consitent with it. Like after we would start dating it would sorta continue but definitely slow down. I've been seeing this guy for a month now and its hasn't slowed down at all. He makes me feel beautiful and worth it. NO guy has ever been like that with me. Its definitely something I've been searching for in a relationship for a long time. Someone to be supportive and loving and be able to make me happy as I make them. I feel like its finally an equal relationship. I'm seeing him tonight again which is awesome. It seems like the days between our visits take forever. He totally agrees. One of the other swee texts he sent the other day was that he missed me before I even left the driveway which I totally had to agree with. But being apart from someone just makes the love stronger. We were talking over his lunch break today about like in the future once we are ready to move in together that he wouldn't make me pay any of the bills. Which kinda bothers me of course because I like to do my fair share but he went on to explain that he would want me to use the money so that we could go out and save up money for things such as new cars and a house someday. I thought that was totally sweet. I love doing my share but the fact that he is willing to do that means so much. That he would take his hard earned money and allow me to just save money. He is such a sweetheart. I love him <3.

So I've been kinda busy lately mostly with work, but eh don't like to think about it much when I"m not there. Outside of work has been great. I just can't get over how happy I am with my boyfriend he makes me so happy and I feel like as long as we are together that things can work out. Like even after the things that have hurt me in the past that there is still hope for the future that I will be happy and get that happy ending that I deserve. So anyway lets see, as I said work sucks I worked two nights and today I work. I mean I really am not a morning person and when she has me getting up early it really sucks. But thinking about it I'd rather do that than working the afternoons becasue they are so slow and I run out of things to do. Like wednesay night I had my entire list done and everything I thought that could be done was done. So I was like great I have a whole hour yet and nothing to do, which sucked cause I was going to sleep over at the boyfriends for the night and work going slow definitely wasn't helpping and than what was worse was my shift manager was like "It is one of my pet peehves when someone just stands around, if you have time to lean you have time to clean" I mean while I understand there is definitely something I could have worked on like wiping things down and stuff but at that time of night I'm so tired and unmotivated. I mean I would rather her give me a list to do than say something like she did. I have no problem when a manager asks me to do something but to act like I'm not a good worker just yanks my chain. But work finally did end and I drove over to the bfs house. He was going to make me eggs and bread but fell asleep and I didn't want to wake him up to much. I wasn't hungry the thought was enough to make me smile. So I got him up enough to say hello and get the bed ready and we laid down. i couldn't fall asleep forever cause I had hyped myself up on red bull lol figuring I would need to be awak a little longer than I was. So he fell asleep and I watched the rest of the movie that was on the tv and eventually fell asleep. It was beyond nice to wake up next to yesterday morning. Just having that comfort and schnuggling next to someone is so nice. So we woke up kinda early he made me eggs, butter bread, and new potatoes which was so awesome. Hehe i love being spoiled like that. The little things like that are what make me so happy. We than drove so he could transfer his insurance back to the one car he just fixed up that took a bit cause I cam unprepared. He doesn't have an account so I told him as long as he gives me the money before the payment is due each month he is welcome to use my account. Any ways I didn't have a voided check so we had to drive to a local one and get a letter stating what they need. Than we drove to get him a new plate and registration for the car. We headed back to his house for a bit to cuddle on the couch till his doctors appointment. He has carpal tunnel in his hands really bad and its gotten to the point that his hand goes numb and he akes up a lot at night. I can't wait for him to get it fixed cause I feel bad wen he's in pain. So we grabbed lunch at McDonalds on the way back to his place. He wanted to see if he could fix his playstation and I was a bit sleepy so I passed out for a bit. Later we hit up walmart to get things to go with the steak he was making for dinner and then he cooked for me again. Awe, he is so sweet. Through out the whole day we had some pretty intense convos and while they weren't super comfy cause we talked about some deep stuff it definitely brought us closer which is awesome. He fell asleep while we watched White Chicks and I felt bad waking him when it as done cause it was time for me to go home. Its so hard leaving cause the minute we say good bye and I get in my car I miss him so much, but we have plans to meet again on Saturday after I get off of work so its all good. I love him, <3